Deirdre Geraghty

I don’t know why I am struggling to get up at the moment and I seem to be tired for hours. I have slept every night for a while. Perhaps it’s the time of year. Not sure if we will gain or lose an hour when the clocks change soon but I hope it will help! I have never really got my head around the clock change thing.

Living a life on heavy amounts of antipsychotics has been quite unbearable much of the time and certainly a challenge. Not to be able to recall what took place the second before. People telling me that I am much better now that I am on less medication because they can’t comprehend what I am living with. I have tried to explain but seem to be unable to get through. Schizophrenia has no cure… yes things can improve… but I will always live with it and the medication which affects the brain function which one is aware of.

Most of us in this country have never lived with the horrors of war. To not be safe in our beds… if we have a bed. I don’t know how I would cope without a toilet but our homeless do every day… and many people do around the world… but to be bombed throughout the night… or the fear of being bombed… we are very lucky here.

Again I didn’t feel quite right this morning and very tired. As though I was wearing a band around my head or a bit like wearing a swimming hat. But I didn’t get up until around 8.30 which is very late for me and just had a bath and washed my hair which I meant to do yesterday. Time to catch up with the day.

Today marks the horrific attack on the people of Israel. The depths to which people will go is quite terrible and just shows the dark side that can be within each of us. Such a stark difference to the marvellous things others achieve. It’s so important what a creature experiences throughout its life especially its early years. So very important!

I’m not too sure that I will be sleeping anytime soon. I had planned to wake early and have breakfast in bed but I would need to sleep as soon as possible and probably too late already. Maybe I should write for a while.

I don’t feel quite right this morning but I haven’t been up long and didn’t sleep at all on Wednesday night so might just be that. I will wait and see how l am in an hour or so.

The coercive control and domestic abuse storyline on Emmerdale was really very exciting last night and I was too scared to watch for some of it. I was sitting on the edge of my chair but hiding behind my TV Times and, after l had seen the end, l had to watch it again to see what l had missed. I have never done that before with a soap l don’t think. I can’t wait until tonight but I will have to.

I was so tired on Wednesday morning but when it came to getting to sleep this night I have struggled and finally come downstairs. My poorly hand has been giving me pain and I wanted to rub in some ibuprofen gel. Maybe I will get some sleep in a little while.

I went to see the hand surgeon at the hospital yesterday. He said he is pretty sure it’s an angry ECU tendon. He said not to take the support off and he offered me a plaster cast. I declined. I now must wait for a letter with an appointment for an ultrasound where, if it is as suspected, then I will receive a guided steroid injection. In the meantime I will not give myself any more breaks without the wrist support!